grief – Peacewellbeing.co.uk

I was recently approached by a lovely lady to join a local directory of practitioners that can be called upon to serve our community in times of crisis. She asked me what I would like to appear on the directory and it got me thinking about how I could help and what I can offer. The first thing that came to mind was using essential oils as first aid, as they are what I use by default for so many of life’s unexpected occurrences. And if you’re stuck in the house, can’t get out and/or the supermarket shelves are empty, you might have an essential oil hidden at the back of your cupboard that you can put to good use.

Of course, my numero uno essential oil for first aid has to be lavender. It is such a useful oil to have in your home and has a myriad of uses. It can be used directly on the skin (check it is a pure essential oil, and if it irritates you then don’t use it) for burns, bites, blisters, cuts and grazes. It is analgesic, vulnery (healing to the skin) and anti-microbial.

For sprains, strains, aches and pains I reach for cornmint essential oil, although peppermint will do the trick too. I prefer cornmint as it has a higher menthol content than peppermint and somehow smells ’cleaner’ (though this is purely personal preference). You can dab a drop of cornmint on your temples if you have a headache, and combine it with a few drops of lavender to rub onto achy muscles and sprained joints. Cornmint is analgesic, anti-spasmodic and cooling.

Eucalyptus is my go to at the first sign of a sniffle. A few drops on a tissue and inhale to help clear the airways, use it in a burner if someone in the office starts sneezing, and/or combine it with cornmint and rub into your feet before bed to help you breathe at night. Eucalyptus is expectorant (helps you cough it up), cleansing and uplifting.

For emotional and mental first aid, frankincense will help get you through. I see it as like a comfy conveyor belt, in that it gently picks you up and carries through (I wish I could think of a better analogy, if you have any suggestions, please let me know!). Dab on a tissue and inhale, add a few drops to your bath and use in a burner. According to Tisserand, frankincense is spiritually uplifting and expansive, it is also mentally rejuvenating, euphoric and gives strength.

I also keep a bottle of rose hydrolat* close at hand to soothe me during stressful times. A splash in a cup of hot water (often drunk when having a bath with added essential oils), gives comfort and solace from the inside out. Rose is nurturing, uplifting and has a balancing effect on hormones, for both men and women.

*Hydrolats, also known as hydrosols, are a by-product of essential oil production. They contain slightly different chemical compounds to the essential oils and share many of their healing properties. It is important to ensure you’re buying true hydrolats as many commercially available products, often sold as ‘rose water’, contain synthetic/artificial ingredients.

Please use your own discernment when using essential oils. If irritation occurs, stop using them.

grief, Uncategorized

Dearest Richard,

June 8, 2022July 9, 2022 besspurser

Last weekend we should have been celebrating your 42nd birthday. We should have been having a garden party, dinner in a fine restaurant or drinks in a wine bar followed by dancing. You would have lit up the dance floor with your enthusiasm, exuberance and energy.

We still haven’t celebrated your 40th birthday, flights to Spain and lunch in a Michelin star restaurant cancelled, twice, because of covid. In your head, that means you’re still 39. In my head, you are forever preserved as young, vibrant and joyous. You were born two months before me and now I am older than you. You will not get old. You have been denied that privilege.

Your birthday will be marked with sadness, loss and heartache in perpetuity. At present, I cannot imagine a time when these feelings won’t dominate each anniversary that passes. Each thought I have of you.

And yet I smile too. I smile at the memories of the adventures we had together. Of the mischief we made, of being led astray by you, of the incitement of naughtiness between us. The most fun I’ve had in my life, you were there, leading the charge with your charm, cheek and ginormous heart.

You had a tremendous talent for making everyone around you feel included, special and beautiful. The light that emanated from you bounced off everyone you connected with. It was your reflection.

The fight to keep your spirit alive is a daily battle. Some days are easier than others. Some days, surrender is the only option. The only way through. Grief is an expression of love. To deny that enunciation, in whatever way it exposes itself, is to deny your existence. This, I have learnt from your beloved Henry. He travels through his grief without repudiation.

Henry is building a charitable foundation in your name. He is creating light, from the darkness of your death, and he is preserving, perpetuating and extending your light for the benefit of others. Your light loves on.

Le Petit Singe, the charitable foundation that Henry has set up, raises money to help those affected by sudden bereavement, heart conditions and international environmental and social issues that Richard was involved with. Please visit lepetitsinge.co.uk for more information and to make a donation.

Uncategorized

Dunroamin

June 13, 2019June 13, 2019 besspurser

This is a personal one for me, I’m not one for wearing my heart on my sleeve or being in the spotlight but I’ve felt the need to reflect on and share where I’ve been, how far I’ve come and how I want to shape the future for myself and my beloved son.

2.5 years ago I left my husband after our marriage exploded and left me in a heap on the floor (literally). There had been a few rumbles leading up to the explosion, but nothing could have prepared me for the destruction and devastation of that day, or the waves of shite that kept breaking over me and swiping my feet from under me, again and again in the months that followed.

Mother, son, depression, anxiety, personal, grief, counselling, psychotherapy, wellbeing, Aromatherapy, massage, Belper, Derbyshire, essential oils — Making the most of few times my son falls asleep on me 😍

When I got married, I had a house’s worth of savings in the bank. By the time I left, I had incurred more debt than I’ve ever had in my life, and ever will have again. Debt that did not benefit me or my son and yet was in my name. There were other issues during the fall out that caused deep distress and led to ill health, both physical and mental.

I have long been ashamed by the debt and the circumstances that lead to the state I found myself in. This, and the inevitable grief of a relationship ending, led to a period of depression. But as the great Brené Brown says ‘Shame can not survive being spoken. It cannot survive empathy’. Which is why I wanted to talk/write about my situation, to shine light into the darkness, for myself and maybe others too.

When I look back on that time in my life, I see a woman who had been trodden down, rolled around in the mud on the floor and expected to be happy down there. I didn’t see it coming, or realised it was happening until I stepped away. And even then it took a while to see just how much I’d been in denial. If I just did this, or that, then everything would be better. It wasn’t better. Not for me anyway.

I am supremely fortunate, and eternally grateful, to have a wonderful mum who took me in (and my son, who was 2.5 at the time) and has supported me in so many ways over the last few years as I have rebuilt my life, piece by piece. I have amazing sisters who have provided loving shoulders to cry on and fabulous friends who have mopped my many tears.

I felt compelled to write this post as there are two significant events that have marked the end of the troubled times and the start of new, exciting and enriching times. The first is the end of my counselling sessions*, that I’ve had on and off for the last 2 years. I highly recommend being brave and digging around your life with the guidance of an experienced, qualified and compassionate counsellor or psychotherapist. It has helped me to grieve, stand up for myself, see situations from a different angle, be more resilient and confident in my ability to handle whatever life throws at me.

The second event is that I will very soon be getting the keys to my own house. I can’t tell you how excited I am about this, and what an impact it will make on myself and my son. I’m also anxious about it, as it is a huge responsibility for one person. I’ve no doubt it will be challenging and stretch me in unfamiliar ways but I also know that I’m up for the challenge and can’t wait to have my own space. A home to put my own stamp on and express myself in creating a warm, welcoming and comfortable interior, and a relaxing, healing garden.

depression, anxiety, personal, grief, counselling, psychotherapy, wellbeing, Aromatherapy, massage, Belper, Derbyshire, essential oils, st mawes, Cornwall, rowing, gig rowing, happy place — Me in my happy place, doing a happy thing ☺️

I can see a path of where I want my career to take me, and the people I will help as a product of that. I have ambition again, fire in my belly that I’ve not had for a long time. I can see my son and I building a wonderful home together and making lots of mess along the way. I can see myself going on dating sites/apps for the first time in my life. That’s a very scary thought, but you don’t get to feeling brave without feeling scared first.

Thank you to everyone who has been there for me in the last few years. Thank you to everyone who has offered a helping hand or a spare piece of furniture for my new home. It has been the worst of times, and the best of times. To quote Hannah Gadsby, “There’s nothing stronger than a woman who has rebuilt herself”. Here’s to the ones who have rebuilt themselves 💪.

* I had free counselling sessions via the NHS in Derbyshire via talkingmentalhealth

Tag: grief

Essential oils for first aid

Dearest Richard,

Dunroamin